Well it’s Tuesday 9^th May 2006.  This is the first time I’ve sat down and written for ages.  I’ve scrapped most of the diary and decided to write as and when the mood takes me.

 I’m 51.  Yesterday I went to the gym in Port Solent.  I had an induction, a young lad showed me the machines and asked me pointed questioned.  Then weighed me.  Their scales had me 4 pounds more than my scales – bastards.  I threw myself into my workout.  Attended an aqua class – what a scream that was.  Full of ladies of superior years and large bottoms.  I felt positively silth-like.  The instructor was a young, full-of-himself lad.  But he was bubbling.  I love people who bubble.  It’s intoxicating.

 Then I went to cycle class.  This was a beginners class.  It nearly killed me but I survived and peddled for England.  I fell into the lounge area and had lunch and a large glass of wine, I needed it.  That evening I returned for dance class.  Full of young things, with no flab or wobbly bits.  All dancing in step.  I hate them with a vengeance.  I had to leave the class – I went deaf in one ear. 

 I’m not giving up though.  I shall return next Monday.  Today I can’t walk, I can’t move in fact, I can’t do anything.  My body has decided to begin rigor mortis – can’t remember when I actually died.  But I must have as everything is stiff.  If I were a guy I’d be positively pleased.

 This evening I was supposed to have a date.  But he phoned – his producer wanted a meeting.  I’m not devastated though, but it had crossed my mind he could massage me.  Apart from that I have no need of him.  I’ve seen this guy before a few times – he’s a member of my little black book.  I’m terrible – I have a list of names that I phone when I’m lonely.  No, not lonely – randy is the correct word.  A couple of months ago I fell in love.  I do this.  You know, fall in love.  It was with a Scottish guy and he had facial hair – I must have been on drugs.  I hate facial hair, it’s irritating, it scratches my skin and he kissed me a lot and my gob revolted and was infested with cold-sores for 3 weeks.  However, love prevailed.  I bought a ticket to fly to Edinburgh.  And he was pleased.  Then suddenly he changed.  Didn’t call.  You know the routine.  I don’t have to spell it out – men do that.  They haven’t the guts to say ‘I’ve met someone’ or ‘I don’t fancy you’.  So I am out of pocket – like I can afford to lose £100.00 

 Hence my reverting to my little black book.  Last week I saw another member of the black book.  A yacht designer.  He’s floated around for a while now – on and off.  I decided to be a little bit more serious about him.  After all he was very attentive.  He has though become distant.  I think it was because he has realized that I am not a soft touch – and no he can’t move in and I won’t support him.  He’s looking for a cushy life – aren’t we all. 

 It took me precisely 30 minutes to fall out of love with the Scottish guy.  He was after all very special to me. 

 I really do want to find a mate, fall in love and live happily ever after.  But I have problems.  The rest of the world falls in love, gets married and gets divorced, then falls in love again and divorced.  My problem is I can read men very well, so I miss out the love, marriage and divorce bit.  That leaves me with nothing.  Is it worth having nothing or going through all those wars.  Did you know that most inventions were discovered through war.  I digress. 

 I know that the film guy, and the boat guy and the ballastics guy are not for me.  I’m still waiting for Prince Charming. 

 Today I set up my camera.  Laid out 10 sets of clothes ranging from Summer Dress to Evening dress.  Did my hair, make-up and took photographs.  I love taking photographs.  But I’m getting older so have to cut more.  There was a reason for the photos.  I’ve joined Match again.  I want my photos on there to be brand new.  I’ve seen a couple of guys that interest me and have saved them as favourites.  Oh dear, here we go again – disappointment will surely follow.  I am however, ever optimistic.

 I wish I could find a love but I am a cow.  I misbehave.  I watched House (I’ve bought series one).  Hugh Laurie is fantastic.  Today he was interested in a woman who was for want of a better word ‘nuts’.  As he said that was why he was interested.  The insane are never boring.  How true that is.  Insanity is a measurement of the human race, provided by the human race.  The human race singles out a small percentage and labels them.  It labels them because they are different – they are not normal.  The huge percentage in their infinite wisdom believes they have the right to do this.  Personally I’d rather mix with the insane – like House says they are never boring.  But one does have to be careful of axe-murderers, one needs to be alive not to be bored.

 I read a profile on Match where a guy wrote and I quote ‘Looking for someone with a brain, not an arse, the size of a planet’ – actually my first conclusion is the guy is an arse with his brain stuck up it.  I will though let you know.  I have marked him as a favourite.  Little devil that I am.  I’m going to play with him.